Toke Makinwa on Being Single, Childless, and Thriving at 40
At 40 years old, Toke Makinwa, a well-known media personality, author, and entrepreneur, has become a symbol of empowerment and self-acceptance. For many, turning 40 without a husband or children might seem like an anomaly, or worse, a source of shame. Yet, Toke Makinwa’s candid reflections about being single, childless, and divorced speak to a deeper truth: that fulfillment doesn’t always follow conventional paths, and that self-worth should not be defined by societal standards. In her words, she explains how she has learned to embrace her truth, shed regret, and celebrate her achievements in life.
In this in-depth exploration of Toke’s journey, we’ll dive into her reflections on living life on her own terms, how she reframed the narrative surrounding marriage and motherhood, and how we can all apply these lessons to create more meaning and joy in our own lives.
From a young age, women are often taught that certain milestones will define their success—graduating from school, getting married, having children, and climbing the career ladder. These benchmarks, while common and widely accepted, can sometimes feel like an imposition, especially when life takes an unexpected turn. For Toke Makinwa, the societal expectations surrounding women—particularly those of her age—were weighty and overwhelming. As a woman who reached 40 without having remarried or having children, she could have easily fallen victim to these pressures.
She admits that there were times when she struggled with how society viewed her—how society viewed her life. The pervasive notion that women must marry and become mothers by a certain age creates a narrative that equates happiness with these milestones. But Toke reveals how this narrative didn’t align with her own experience, and how it led to feelings of self-doubt, confusion, and even sadness in her younger years.
However, over time, Toke has learned to quiet these external voices and embrace her own path. She now recognizes that being single and childless at 40 isn’t a reflection of failure, but rather an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
What stands out most in Toke’s journey is her commitment to embracing self-acceptance. It was not an easy road, but through introspection and self-love, she has learned to be comfortable in her own skin, regardless of where she is in life. Toke’s honesty in discussing her struggles with loneliness, rejection, and society’s disapproval gives a voice to many women who feel similarly.
In her own words, she reveals how difficult it used to be to look in the mirror and see herself as a fulfilled individual without the labels of “wife” or “mother.” “How am I 40 and I don’t have a child? How am I 40 and single?” she confesses she used to ask herself. But with time, she began to reframe these thoughts and accept that there is no single path to happiness.
Her transparency and openness about these emotional hurdles allow others to see themselves in her journey. Many of us feel a sense of isolation when we’re not living up to societal expectations, but Toke’s story serves as a reminder that true contentment lies in owning and accepting the life you have, not the one others think you should have.
A recurring theme in Toke Makinwa’s reflections is the importance of gratitude. When Toke talks about her life, she highlights the significance of recognizing the blessings she has in the present moment. Gratitude, she explains, shifts our focus from what we don’t have to what we do have—and this simple shift can dramatically improve our perspective on life.
In the past, Toke says she was consumed by regret, thinking about what could have been if only things had turned out differently. But today, she embraces the life she’s created, acknowledging the successes and challenges that have shaped her along the way. She credits her ability to build a career, become an influential voice in the media industry, and maintain close relationships with family and friends as major sources of joy in her life.
She recognizes that her journey is unique, and that each setback has taught her valuable lessons. Toke’s message is clear: the key to happiness is not in comparing ourselves to others or chasing after a fixed ideal, but rather in focusing on what we have, how far we’ve come, and the joy that can be found in everyday moments.
One of the most profound messages in Toke Makinwa’s journey is the power of perspective. She urges others to stop seeing life’s so-called “failures” as reasons to feel ashamed, and instead to view them as opportunities for growth and wisdom. For Toke, reaching 40 without a child or a husband could have been seen as a monumental failure. Instead, she chooses to view it as a reflection of her strength and resilience.
“Am I going to be comfortable with my truth, or am I going to let that pin me down?” she asks. For many people, the idea of being single or childless at an older age can feel like an insurmountable burden. The societal expectation is that by this stage, women should be settled into a family life. But Toke challenges this norm, arguing that there is no universal timeline for happiness or success.
Toke encourages us to reframe how we look at our own situations, no matter where we are in life. We have the power to rewrite our stories, to see our individual paths as beautiful and valuable. Whether we are single, childless, or on an unconventional path, our lives are worth celebrating, as Toke so passionately advocates.
For Toke, the key to healing was accepting her truth, and not trying to force herself into someone else’s mold. It’s often difficult to let go of the expectations placed on us by others, but Toke found that only by doing so was she able to heal and thrive. The moment she stopped fighting against her reality, she was able to cultivate a sense of peace and acceptance.
The power of acceptance cannot be understated. It is only by fully accepting who we are and where we are in life that we can unlock our true potential. Trying to live up to external pressures only leads to exhaustion and disappointment. But once we make peace with ourselves, we become free to pursue our passions, dreams, and goals, unencumbered by outside opinions.
In Toke’s case, this acceptance has allowed her to build an empire, create meaningful work, and become one of the most respected voices in Africa. By embracing her uniqueness, she has transformed her challenges into triumphs.
One of the biggest misconceptions in life is that we need to have everything figured out by a certain age. The expectation is that by 40, people should have a family, a successful career, and a clear sense of what’s next. But Toke Makinwa’s story shows that life is not a linear journey, and there’s no blueprint for success.
It’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay to be in a season of growth and exploration. Toke’s success has come from her ability to remain authentic, embrace uncertainty, and allow herself to evolve over time.
For many, the pressure to “settle down” or meet traditional milestones by a certain age can lead to anxiety and stress. However, Toke’s experience demonstrates that life’s unpredictability can often be the greatest source of strength and fulfillment. As long as we continue to pursue our passions, nurture relationships, and learn from each experience, we are living a full life, no matter what society says.
At the heart of Toke Makinwa’s reflections is the idea that fulfillment doesn’t come from external validation, but from within. While it’s natural to desire love, companionship, and family, these things should never be seen as prerequisites for a successful life. Instead, fulfillment comes from pursuing our passions, doing meaningful work, and cultivating relationships that nourish us.
Toke’s story serves as a powerful reminder that we are in control of our happiness. We must take responsibility for our own well-being, recognizing that we are complete as we are, with or without conventional milestones. She encourages us to step away from the pressures of comparison and instead focus on creating a life that is meaningful to us, based on our values, desires, and goals.
Whether we are 30, 40, or beyond, we are all on our own journeys. It’s time to embrace where we are, celebrate how far we’ve come, and trust that the best is yet to come.
Toke Makinwa’s journey serves as an inspiring testament to the power of self-acceptance, gratitude, and perspective. Her story is not one of regret or despair, but of strength, resilience, and growth. By embracing her truth and letting go of societal expectations, Toke has carved out a life that is uniquely her own—and so can you.
Your journey is yours to create, and while there may be bumps along the way, every experience is an opportunity for growth. So, let go of the pressure, embrace who you are, and celebrate the incredible person you’ve become. Your truth is beautiful, and it’s time to let it shine.
